At Pf Magazine we love to hear from our readers. This week Janine, quite rightly, pointed out that we haven’t been catering much for our ‘older’ ladies. She felt that she had a story to tell us about what she is experiencing as a woman of a certain age. So we paid her a surprise visit.
“One day I woke up and discovered all my best years were behind me.” Janine told us.
She also noted that all the bad things that happen in a woman’s life begin with ‘MEN’.
“I knew what was happening when, every morning, I’d lay stretched out like a failed star jump, my hair stuck to my face, mouth as dry as Jack Dee live at the Apollo. I also knew that attempting to separate my thighs would result in losing another layer of top skin. My husband would be lying in a pool of sweat, buried beneath a pile of blankets that I’d thrown off during the night.”
Janine’s husband commented that It was a momentary welcome relief as he would spend half the night wrestling over the blankets when Janine gets a ‘bit chilly’; and he feels as though he’s going through the men-o-pause.
Janine went on to say,
“When I go down for breakfast, usually marmite and peanut butter on toast, I spend about three minutes staring into the fridge until I remember that I’m looking for a plate. Then I have to take off my dressing gown and open all the windows.
The old man usually comes down wearing a wooly hat, scarf and gloves. I know his heart sinks when he sees the open windows and feels the cold radiators. He’s been suffering from terrible mood swings recently.
Getting dressed is the worst thing. I hate it when I have to struggle to get into my favourite pair of jeans. I thought that I’d have lost weight as my previous monthly ‘sweet’ cravings had started to ebb away. But the men-o-pause is cruel like that. It’s a good job I’m married, I always think that, what with my expanding waistline and the only thing thinning being my hair, I stand no chance of attracting a new lover…
…I did feel enormously liberated giving up on shaving my leg and underarm hair. It isn’t like the old man gets that close to me anymore as my libido becomes libidon’t.”
Janine looked folorn as she considered the strong force of Mother Nature. The good, the bad, and looking in the mirror, the downright ugliness of it all. On the positive side she thinks it’s quite clever that this kicks off when the kids have left home. While they all still like each other. And it would probably be the end of womankind if it didn’t. Her son already mentioned that he was put off the idea of marrying if this is what he has to look forward to.
At the end of the interview Janine’s husband returned to the kitchen just as she was closing the windows, and putting the heating on.
“Bit chilly in here don’t you think love?” Janine said.
Her husband just sighed and removed his wooly hat.
Lisa Ives for Pf Magazine