Pizza Bod or Avocado Bod? ~ Are You Summer Body Ready?

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Quick question: do you have a billboard worthy body? If the answer’s no, you may be at risk of being banned from wearing a bikini, and in turn going to the beach, forever.

It’s possible that in the past, you’ve failed with diets because they’re not right for your body shape. Recognising which body shape you have will help you to change absolutely everything about yourself in order to attain the ultimate bikini body – which is much, much smaller than you are now –  ensuring that you take up less space, both at the beach and life in general.

Pizza bod

Pizza shapes are curvaceous yet angular; sometimes deep-dish, sometimes thin and crispy, pizza bods can also be categorised by broader shoulders, narrowing into a smaller waist, and then very thin legs

Typical cravings

Grease, stuffed crusts, Two For Tuesdays and 2am feasts after one too many at the pub

Foods to eat

Cheese is welcomed and encouraged, as are fresh herbs and plenty of black pepper

Foods to avoid

While anchovy is much debated, be sure to steer clear of pineapple

Bread bod

There are several categories of bread bod, ranging from saggy and square to long, thin and a wee bit crusty; if you have a soft, thick and white loaf bod, then you’re going to need the most help attaining your bikini body, which in this case would be something more akin to your tanned and trim brown baguette sisters

Typical cravings

Lazy Sunday morning bacon sarnies with lashings of brown sauce, crisp sandwiches with heaps of butter

Foods to eat

Green veggies and salads

Foods to avoid

Condiments, meats, cheese and high sugar fruits, which could exacerbate yeast infections  

Avocado bod

The avocado bod is the bittersweet plague of the millennials; you’ll never own a house or pay off your student debts, but everyone wants a piece of your bodacious booty. Just be mindful of how long you spend in the sun, as avocado bods have incredibly sensitive skin, leaving you more prone to cellulite

Typical cravings

Attention, paid work experience, a step onto the property ladder

Foods to eat

Eggs, veggies, bottomless brunches; you may think that alcohol is off-limits when attaining a summer body, but avocado bods will greatly benefit from drinking away the pounds, as well as the pain

Foods to avoid

Mealtimes with older relatives

Apple bod

Back in the day, apple shapes were characterised by a rounded midriff. Apple bods have gone through something of a transformation over the years, adapting from smaller rectangle shapes, to larger, flatter squares and oblong shapes

Typical cravings

Fast food, fast wifi connections, constant approval and updates

Foods to eat

A constant stream of snacks to top up low energy levels, rice

Foods to avoid

Liquids, soups, and broths

Hourglass bod

A classic body type, the hourglass bod is also a constant reminder of the passing of time, and consequently things that you’ve not achieved yet. Not to worry, though, as you go in and out in just the right places! Just be sure to keep an eye on that puffy face and those chubby knees; no one’s perfect until they attain a bikini body, after all

Typical cravings

Pasta, butter, cream and creamy, buttery pasta

Foods to eat

Protein and veggies

Food to avoid

Caffeine, alcohol, fun

Now you know why you’re such a big fat failure, it’s time to kick-start your journey to being bikini body ready!

 

Megan Barnett for Pf Magazine

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