I Replaced My Coffee With Mushrooms And Here’s What Happened

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I’m a big fan of clean living, at least until I get bored with it and go back to unclean living for a while as I am wont to do. One of the hardest habits to break though has been my dependence on coffee. I need my morning cup just to feel like myself and no amount of green tea or vegetable juice has been able to convince me otherwise…until now that is.

I recently skimmed an article about superfoods and found that mushrooms are in fact a superfood. Armed with this new knowledge I decided I would ditch my morning cup of coffee and start my day with a handful of mushrooms.

The hardest part of this experiment was actually getting the mushrooms. My usual go to guy for this kind of thing wasn’t under the bridge near the liquor store and I had deleted his number from my phone when embarking on a new, clean lifestyle. After a bit of searching and a lot of convincing various people I am, in fact, not a cop I was able to procure some sweet, sweet shrooms.

I have to say it was a smashing success. While it did not make me more alert or energetic at my job, which I no longer have, it put me in tune with a higher sense of consciousness. I could feel colors. I touched them all from the rich red of my coffee cup to the surprisingly fluffy grey of my cubicle.

After petting my cubicle for what felt like hours I sauntered off to talk to the fish who apparently lives in the company water cooler. He assured me that even though security was coming to remove me from the premises, it was all going to be okay as I was at one with the universe.

Lauren Pathak for Pf Magazine

 

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