How Do You Eat Yours?
How do you eat yours? Crouching behind the fridge door, usually.
Up and down the country, parents are preparing. Stretchy loungewear is ready. Big knickers are go. Elastic waistbands are snapped into shape for one last test before it begins. Oh yes, it’s time.
For if we don’t eat our children’s Easter eggs to save them from obesity, who will? Fortunately, Pf Magazine is here to help with this handy guide to places for eating as much of your children’s chocolate as possible, without getting busted. Society, you’re welcome.
- Behind the fridge door
This is obviously the classic. The go-to solution for busy Mums who need to drink their wine whilst cooking fish fingers and fielding questions about space/wee/ladybirds like a boss. We recommend keeping a stash of Easter chocolate in the salad drawer, buried beneath the broccoli. For those with small fridges, a floor cushion is handy for the knees. You could also set up a few tea lights while you’re down there and pretend you’re relaxing in Marrakech.
- In the loo
Not strictly the most hygienic but this approach scores points for having a lock. Extra points if you take your phone in with you, to catch up on Mumsnet or the Sidebar of Shame while you snack. The highly committed may like to keep a stash of chocolate at the bottom of the washing basket (let’s face it, absolutely no one else is looking in there) but personally, I prefer my Lindt bunny without a whiff of socks and pants.
- In the garden
Obviously the weather needs to play ball for this one. A secret stash in the peg bag is ideal for subtle munching. Let’s face it, the washing’s not going to dry in this, so you might as well empty the pegs out and fill the bag with crème eggs. I think it was Gandhi who said, “people need chocolate more than they need clean clothes.” Probably.
- The Shed
A friend of mine, let’s call her Sue, recently professed a new found passion for woodwork. We were all somewhat surprised until we saw her newly kitted out shed. Wine fridge, iPod dock, and suspiciously large toolbox. Which, it transpires, can hold a significant quantity of mini eggs. Bravo, Sue, bravo.
- In bed
Hiding in bed, eating your children’s Easter eggs? Shame on you. We would never do such a slovenly thing. What’s that you say? This oddly cuboid shape in bed next to me? ‘Tis merely a pile of soul-improving books which I fully intend to Instagram later. Get off the duvet, there’s no need to check. Go on, skedaddle!
There are some who will insist that this is no noble act of sacrifice, but we know better of course. Well done, everyone. Keep up the good work.
Natalie Willbe for Pf Magazine