A Day In The Life ~ Roving Agony Aunt

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This time last year I got a call from a well-known radio station to have a ‘quick’ chat about an article I wrote: How I Met My Husband While On A Blind Date With Another Man…

…It was a bit of a balls up as the radio presenter had mixed my story up with another story, I went with the flow because to be honest it did make things a lot more interesting. Live on air, with no advance warning to what we were actually going to be talking about.

Following this, I got myself a little reputation as a dating guru, which was really a joke made up by another presenter on a community radio station I was working with at the time. Believing my own, made up, publicity and totally inflated status I took to the streets for Pf Magazine to see if I could be a ‘roving’, relationship, agony aunt.

I started in London, Victoria station at 7.30am, they do say the early bird catches the worm after all. I identified a young female who looked like she might have been up all night crying and went in for the kill.

“Excuse me can you spare a couple of minutes to talk to me about your love life?”

After she had confirmed that there weren’t any cameras, or microphones, or anything that legitimised my random question, she picked up the pace and carried on walking towards a coffee outlet. Having been brought up on a diet of Challenge Anneka and Street Date I knew this was my cue to follow her and breathlessly continue my quest to help her.

“Hi, me again,” I continued, “don’t worry I’m not a weirdo or anything. I just want you to be happy and satisfied with your love life, I can help you with that.”

She became quite agitated, and a little rude if I’m completely honest, and got through the barrier before I could catch her up again. This time I thought I’d try and speak to the male of the species. I spotted a chap who looked pretty pleased with himself. I thought I’d change tack and start by asking a different question, and lead him to believe he was actually capable of helping me.

“Hi there, I couldn’t help but notice how chirpy you are looking this morning. Did you by any chance get laid last night?”

Being male he did that thing where he just stared and looked all moody, in a sexy kind of way. Having held his attention I continued;

“ I would just like to know what you do to get a lady into bed, what does and doesn’t work for you, that kind of thing.”

It was a little frustrating as I couldn’t really follow what he was saying, but being an expert on body language and facial recognition, I could tell that maybe things weren’t really going all that well for him after all. Someone had clearly upset him as he was very passionate in his response to me. I stressed to him the importance of letting it all out, being male doesn’t mean you have to bottle up your emotions. He was visibly too hurt by something to continue our conversation, but it did give me an insight into the ‘new ‘man’ and their ability to share their feelings openly.

All in all, it turned out to be a pretty unproductive day. You can take a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.

People just don’t seem to want help, which is a real shame. I did have quite a long talk with a lady called Ethel, I think she was from a generation that put sugar in the baby bottle, maybe a drop of brandy as well. She only had one tooth and had an aroma of alcohol about her. She did take the questioning very seriously though, although I wasn’t too sure that the way she was rubbing her foo foo as we chatted would really benefit my research at that point.

Being an intrepid reporter I will pick myself back up and try a different area next time. You can’t keep a good woman down, well, that’s what one man told me on the day.

Lisa Ives for Pf Magazine


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