“For the first 3 days, I thought I was on The Island With Bear Grylls. People kept talking about a spark they had, and I thought great! They’ve made a fire!”
James Jameson, from Essex, has taken to social media recently to announce that due to being a millennial, and not having an attention span that can last longer than 240 characters, he had misread his application form and realised instead of applying for the survivalist show The Island With Bear Grylls, he had applied, and been successful for, the popular ITV2 show Love Island.
Jameson, 25, had been preparing for several months to go on The Island With Bear Grylls; drinking his own urine and fashioning any disused plastic from the Thames into a pair of shoes, and was utterly devastated to find out he was on the wrong show. However, it has come to light that Jameson spent over 3 days in the Love Island Villa before he noticed he was not on the right show.
“For the first few days I thought it was Bear Grylls’ Island! There are a group of people, all in beachwear, stood around a fire pit and talking in small sentences, so I presumed they were dehydrated and trying to conserve energy,” Jameson stated on Facebook.
When questioned whether he found it odd that for an episode of Bear Grylls, the accommodation was a bit grand, especially for a bunch of survivalists to have cobbled together in less than a week, he responded saying:
“I did think for a bit, ‘nooooo, they can’t have built a camp with a good shelter and a fully stocked bar, in a week.’ But, one of the lads mentioned his dog once ran onto a building site, so he knew a lot about building materials and construction, so, I thought, oh, alright, makes sense.”
For the first 3 days, Jameson carried out all activities as if he was on The Island With Bear Grylls, including going fishing on an inflatable lilo shaped like a pizza slice and making an animal trap out of a thong, bra clasp and vast amounts of L’oreal Lock It hair gel for men.
Asked when was the moment he realised he was on the wrong show, he said,
“when one of the lads said they were going to find protein and instead of coming back with a wild boar, they came back with two Pina Colada flavoured protein shakes. I thought, hang on, something isn’t right here. Pina colada isn’t a fruit. Is it!?”
When Jameson realised what had happened, he promptly took to his Instagram page to post a selfie of himself with a bemused expression and performing a rather suggestive yoga position with 2 other women in the villa, captioning it,
‘Dafuq. Bear Grylls got weird. #Survival #SurprisinglyFlexible #ArePinaColadasAFruit’
Having now understood what show he is on, he has promptly self-tanned, self-waxed and self-promoted himself and is now a favourite to win. Good Luck James.
Love Island has become a cult phenomenon, for people that can no longer read, look at, or think in general about the news, nor can they watch one of the 18 shows currently available about baked goods or generic cooking.
Louise Atkinson for Pf Magazine
Louise is a comedian, writer and drunken robotics enthusiast. Originally from the cultural delights of Hull, she now lives in London and spends most of her days uttering the words ‘How much!?!’ in most London establishments.
She is also a keen meme and gif enthusiast and all of her Frankenstein creations can be found on her Twitter and Instagram pages.