humour

The Worst Things About Summer

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Finally the sun has his hat on, did he lose it or something? Over the last few evenings the air has been filled with the aroma of BBQ’s and cut grass while pub beer gardens have been full of revellers desperate to enjoy some vitamin C having had to endure endless rain, snow and ice since what feels like 1987.

While we are SO overdue some glorious weather, it does bring with it some perils that I think we can all relate to. Here are some of my favourite things to hate about the hot weather.

CONSTANT SHAVING

Or whatever hair removal process you use. The one comfort of colder weather is knowing that even if you want to wear a skirt or dress you don’t need to defuzz beforehand and can hide your leg hair laziness under tights because ‘it’s too cold for bare legs’. As soon as the hot weather hits though it is time to get back into shaving every other day. We are never prepared on that first really hot day either.

SUNBURN

While I wasn’t blessed with my mothers beautiful red hair I was blessed with her skin which means I don’t tan. Ever. And while I like being pale and embrace it I don’t take well to sunburn. Sometimes I go out and it is hotter than I thought it would be and boom; burnt. Red shoulders will never, ever, be a good look.

SWEATING

No matter what you wear or how cool you try to look you cannot avoid dreaded sweat patches. While sweat anywhere is not pleasant the most awkward places to endure it are the top lip, under the boobs and in between your legs. Yep I went there; sweaty thighs and fanny are no fun and chub rub is just painful. I will also never understand how some women still manage to wear a full face of make up in burning heat and it doesn’t slide off onto the table. It’s wizardry.

FRIZZY HAIR

With heat comes humidity and with humidity comes lots of frizz. Not sure if it is only those who, like me, have thick coarse wiry hair that suffer from the frizz or if it is everyone but it really isn’t a good look. No one wants to work hard to style their hair only to have it end up looking like a bad 80’s perm. There is also that awkward moment in the car when you want to enjoy driving with the windows down only for the car to become a wind tunnel thus causing a hair tornado that completely smothers your face (and view of the road) a car journey like this tends to result in the same bad 80’s perm look.

HAYFEVER

Hayfever feels like natures way of sticking two fingers up at you. There is nothing worse than wanting to enjoy a glorious day only for your eyes to be streaming, your sinuses stinging and your nose constantly running.

SKIMPIER CLOTHES

With warmer weather comes more exposed flesh, some people will relish this and some people won’t. I fall into the latter category initially. That first day of putting on fewer clothes and NO layers is a daunting one. Clothes tend to be a bit more figure hugging and show off the Christmas weight you had planned on losing at some point but haven’t quite got round to (which was also topped up at Easter).

SANDALS AND FLIP FLOPS

I’m going to put it out there now; flip flops are the worst type of shoe. When you first wear a new pair the thong element tends to rub the skin between your toes until five layers of flesh are gone, plus they slip off and make the most annoying flappy sound when you walk. Not only that, all winter your feet have been cocooned in the safety of winter boots and the skin has once again softened only for us to expose them to the elements once more, causing it to harden up again in no time (after a long overdue frantic pedicure to make your feet publicly acceptable of course). Also don’t get me started on sandals with straps in various places; they were just made to cause rubbing and pain.

Aside from all of that summer is great!

Nicki Knickie for Pf Magazine


 

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Categories: humour

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