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New Exercise Craze Sweeps The Nation: Bardio.

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Need to exercise more but still want to go to the pub? Why not try Bardio? The new bar based workout for people who don’t want to give up drinking.

My two flatmates and I, like many, have recently been trying to jump on the health kick band wagon, which helped burn a few calories initially; the wagon had been picking up speed down ‘poor decision alley’ for some time.

We created our own weight loss group, affectionately called ‘Die Lard’, and have been wondering what the best and easiest ways we can incorporate exercise into our daily lives would be?

Whilst at the pub, one of my flatmates had downed 5 pints, and most of her daily woes, and had to attempt 3 times to get out of the seat she was sitting in. At which point she pointed out to us all ‘hey, at least this is a good abs and arm work out’. Then it came to us: Bar associated exercises!! Or, ‘Bardio’ if you will.

So, here are some of our tried and tested Bardio exercises we are recommending to you:

1)     Pint glass, bicep curls.  The continuous lifting of a pint from bar to mouth can really generate a solid bicep curl, though best to start out with half a lager and work up to the hefty weight of a full pint of stout.  Also, on a Friday or weekend session, when you may be more inclined to have a more vigorous Bardio session, do try a pint in each hand.

2)     High stool, dips. Try to raise yourself onto one of the high stools without any assistance from the bar or nearby human and stay there for the duration of an entire beverage. The level of intensity of this will vary depending on the height of the stool and the height of the person, but, to add difficulty, you can also leave your bag on the floor, resulting in you having to balance staying on the stool and bending down whenever you need a new beverage, but this is for more experienced Bardio trainers.

3)     Carrying a round of drinks, lunges. When done correctly, this exercise can reach several key muscle groups. There is of course the side plank on the bar, which is to be carried out whilst ordering the drinks (ensure you switch sides when following the staff member behind the bar, trying to catch their gaze. Otherwise there is a risk of a neck injury). There is then the arms, from having to clench a minimum of 2-3 drinks in your hand at one time and of course the various lunges performed whilst trying to get away from all other people approaching the bar and back to your seat. For higher intensity, try not to spill any of the drinks as you walk back to your seat.

4)     Tequila shot, triceps. To really help define those tricep muscles, a few cheeky shots can really help build muscle here. Of course, nutrition is also a key part of a workout, so do remember to bite a lime afterwards, to get the vital energy from all the good sugars that you can. Downing a vodka red bull should also help for sugar levels.

Please do remember though, that after any Bardio session, it is very important to cool down properly. The best way to do this is by participating in the calming process of ‘Irish yoga’. This involves holding a drink in one hand and then lying down on whatever flat surface is nearby. Taking deep breaths, try to concentrate on your own internal thoughts and how long ago it was since you tried to get into a taxi.

Louise Atkinson  for Pf Magazine


Louise Atkinson

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Louise is a comedian, writer and drunken robotics enthusiast. Originally from the cultural delights of Hull, she now lives in London and spends most of her days uttering the words ‘How much!?!’ in most London establishments.

She is also a keen meme and gif enthusiast and all of her Frankenstein creations can be found on her Twitter and Instagram pages.

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