humour

Working Mother Completes To-Do List And Is On Time For Everything.  

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In a bizarre turn of events a working mother with two children managed to be on time for everything and complete her entire to do list in one magical day last week. 

Charlotte (46 and a 38-32-44 since having children) admitted  that the day had taken her and her two children completely by surprise. Charlotte told us that;

“I felt that things were going well when I walked into the playground with all the other parents, instead of waving at them on their way out as we’re rushing in. I thought it was just a fluke though, I  would never have believed how the rest of day was going to go.”

Alpha-mum Karen, who was lingering around ahead of helping the children in school to read, and armed with organic, sugarless cakes destined for the staff room beforehand, had this to say;

 “CHARLOTTE IS A-MAZ-ING, SHE WORKS SO HARD AND SHE REALLY TRIES.

You can see that in the way her kids look as she’s dragging them into school. Like she’s really tried to get them dressed smartly before leaving the house. But it’s hard keeping up with everything and some things have to give, like her eyebrows and the children’s packed lunches. I am so pleased she’s managed to do everything at least for just one day, she really needed that kind of boost and you know, that fleeting sense of achievement to encourage her to keep on trying.”

 CHARLOTTE’S GOOD FORTUNE DIDN’T END THERE.

When she arrived at work Charlotte realised, not only was she on time, but was also able to find a computer in the new hot desk environment near another human being she actually knew. Charlotte was further surprised at being able to  work pretty consistently through the morning without any IT issues or interruptions from idiots until lunch time when she had this dawning realisation:

 “I WAS SAT AT MY DESK AND IT SUDDENLY HIT ME THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY GET ALL MY WORK DONE TODAY AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT HAVE TIME TO CLEAR SOME BACKLOGGED EMAILS. I DIDN’T DARE THINK ABOUT IT FOR TOO LONG IN CASE I JINXED IT. BUT THE POSSIBILITY WAS THERE.”

Charlotte went onto have a salad for lunch, which not only filled her up but that she actually enjoyed, and then worked through till home time.

“After lunch I thought the server must be down as the phone didn’t ring and I didn’t receive a pointless email for over an hour. But then something came through on the universal distribution email list about a secret leaving party for Janet in facilities; then people kept responding using the reply all button, so I knew everything was working fine.  I just wasn’t being interrupted and was able to get on with my actual work.”

When Charlotte got to the school car park she was surprised to find spaces left and collected the children from school saying;

“It’s amazing the difference it makes being a couple of minutes early. It was so nice to be near the front of the parents waiting and not stood at the back waving like a mad woman before having to drag the kids back out of the playground because I’m parked crossways on double yellows.”

 CHARLOTTE WENT ON TO SAY:

“When we got home I did all the household chores, made tea, did some internet banking, sent cards, ordered flowers for my mother in law and still had time to sit down and watch a bit of television with the kids before dinner.”

Charlotte, who’s  eyes started to well up as her emotions began to get the better of her continued:

“I mean, I know these days do happen to people, there are people out there totally smashing it, I just never, never, believed this would happen to someone like me.”

 WE ASKED CHARLOTTE HOW SHE WAS GOING CELEBRATE HER EXTRAORDINARY ACHIEVEMENT?

“I’m going to watch trash TV and get shit faced. I might not even go to bed until after midnight. I mean days like this don’t happen very often, who cares if it’s a Tuesday.”

We quietly reminded Charlotte she was no longer 22 and needed to get up and do it all again tomorrow. Charlotte began sobbing quietly so we left her to enjoy her moment of glory with her family.

Nina Page for Pf Magazine


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Categories: humour

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